Gee, Classless - A G500 4x4² Counterpoint

"HammerheadFistpunch" (hammerheadfistpunch) 02/24/2015 at 12:29 • Filed to: Truck Yeah, Mercedes G500 4x4², Mercedes G500, G Class

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If you haven't seen the New Mercedes G Class video, check it out below. Then join me and this mountain lion in the collective face palm...or paw...whatever.

Look, the G 4x4² is a cool machine in that its like the raptor of the touring wagon world but this ad is the worst parts of what the G-class has become. Lets break this video down to show why:

growl - mountain lion - roar vroom. This part of the video says "I know you want a wolf howling at the moon t-shirt but you have too much money so that would be uncouth, and you can't actually walk around with your nuts hanging over your shoulder so use this over the top savage man imagery as a substitute." It's even worse than American full size truck ads, and that's saying a lot.

Smoosh rocks, water splash, screw you nature! This is part of the video that's speaks to the wealthy desire to dominate and control all around them, instead of the idea that hey...maybe nature isn't your bitch, maybe its something to respect and enjoy. And you know, I'm all for bounding over hill and dale at high speed, I think that's great but this edit isn't showing the joy of off-road motorsport, its showing a contempt for nature. This is the equivalent of standing on top of a mountain peak and screaming "Screw you nature, I beat you and I am now your master!" Which anyone who's spent time in the outdoors in the extreme will tell you if that's your attitude....

Into the tunnel and *POOOF* you're tom cruise. Seriously, the whole dirt tires to street tires switch is as laughable here as it was in !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! . Even better, this magic tunnel is also a car wash! You haven't made it in life until you own your own magic tire changing car wash tunnel.

Carving mountain switchbacks - um...no. Even in this video its obvious the G hates doing this...a lot. What are you trying to say here anyway Mercedes? I'll tell you. Mercedes is selling you on the lie that the G class, even in its most extreme, is all things to all people and ready to take on the twisties. That you CAN have it all, a canyon carving mountain dominating super machine. Here's the deal...you can't.

And then, after a long day of bending God over your knee you retire to your urban fortress of solitude to prepare once again to do battle with the captains of industry. Mercedes actually has the nerve to try and sell people on the idea that, because you get "street wheels and tires" with your G class that its a perfectly acceptable urban conveyance. Look, I drive a lifted Land Cruiser 30 miles to work and back everyday so I don't personally subscribe to the idea that off road vehicles should never be used in the city but you have to be insane to think that a vehicle like this is equally at home on the 9-5 as it is doing what was shown earlier. Want proof that this is no city dweller? look at the height difference The g500 and the G4x4²

(photo credit GTSpirit)

Yeah, that seems like a perfectly acceptable city car. Again, I don't care about driving lifted trucks in the city if that's what you want, but 'Cmon Mercedes. This is Mercedes talking directly to their clients last shred of common sense and quietly stuffing a silk pillow over its face. Shhhh shhh shhh little common sense...it will all be over soon.

Again, I want to make it perfectly clear that I don't hate on the G500 4x4² (aside from the stupid name that is a pain to type/read/say), in fact I think the vehicle itself is super badass, as !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! said but this video is the worst kind of garbage and...sadly...only reflects that Mercedes knows its client base all too well.

For Sweden > HammerheadFistpunch 02/24/2015 at 12:34

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Most importantly, driving this will shout to the world that you don't own a glorious 6X6. And if you don't own a 6X6, you might as well just walk.

HammerheadFistpunch > For Sweden 02/24/2015 at 12:36

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Damn strait. If the psychoanalysts of the car world are right, this is the Porsche Cayman of the G Class world.

For Sweden > HammerheadFistpunch 02/24/2015 at 12:36

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A base Cayman without painted wheel hubs.

Bob Sorokanich > HammerheadFistpunch 02/24/2015 at 12:39

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According to our First Drive over at CAR and DRIVER , the four-by-four-squared has the same rollover angle as the basic G500, thanks to an extra goddamn foot of track width. Which means, very hypothetically, that this thing should not be all that much more terrifying on the street than the run-of-the-mill G-Wagen.

Which is sort of the exact definition of damning with faint praise.

Mathias Rios > HammerheadFistpunch 02/24/2015 at 12:40

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I have no qualms in saying this, this is probably my "dream" car.

HammerheadFistpunch > Bob Sorokanich 02/24/2015 at 12:42

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Faint praise is right. But then again, I'm of the persuasion that the G class professional or GDI versions with 17 inch or smaller wheels is the only way to really enjoy a G class. I may be in the minority of people who think the G63 is just stupid, but I know I'm not the only one. btw, I followed you for oppositelock, welcome.

BigBlock440 > HammerheadFistpunch 02/24/2015 at 12:42

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This picture makes me like the 4x42 that much more. Yesterday I thought it was meh, but this picture does it for me.

nermal > HammerheadFistpunch 02/24/2015 at 12:46

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I think they'll still sell every one that they make @ whatever the asking price is.

As for the video, it's kinda hard to sell "off road" oriented videos without jumping and splashing and spinning and whatnot.

The "proper" off road method is driving only as fast as needed, with very careful throttle control, thus avoiding tearing up the ground or your vehicle too much. This is sadly very boooooooring to watch, even with the kickin' techno music in the background. It wouldn't build excitement to watch the truck just kinda motor along across the same dirt roads, maybe kicking up a bit of dust, uneventfully getting across the creek bed and that's it.

Also, I need one of those car wash / tire change tunnels. I wonder how much they cost?

HammerheadFistpunch > Mathias Rios 02/24/2015 at 12:47

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It has an appeal, I grant you that, but I still think this video is as stupid as the people who Mercedes is trying to fool with it. Not saying you are stupid for wanting one, I'm saying that the people who buy into this overly macho, rock smashing, road carving, urban dwelling "I can have it all AND give the world my middle finger doing it" message are daft beyond measure. I think as a tool of off road speed and ability it has few equals, and for that I desire it but I know it will be used to intimidate and impress which makes it even worse than Bro Dozers that do the same thing, because at least those people put some effort into it.

HFV has no HFV. But somehow has 2 motorcycles > HammerheadFistpunch 02/24/2015 at 12:47

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If I had one I'd replace the rear window with a TV and have it playing this ad on repeat.

HammerheadFistpunch > BigBlock440 02/24/2015 at 12:48

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Don't get me wrong, If I had my own "estate" in the mountains...I would be tempted, but this as an urban vehicle is just silly.

HammerheadFistpunch > nermal 02/24/2015 at 12:50

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if you have to ask, you can't afford it.

Also, I agree they will sell them. Like I said, Mercedes knows its client base: I have money but I haven't heard of this "taste" thing...what I would like is something loud and shouty that will impress or intimidate so I can pretend to be bothered by the attention I get.

Bob Sorokanich > HammerheadFistpunch 02/24/2015 at 12:50

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It's good to be back

HammerheadFistpunch > HFV has no HFV. But somehow has 2 motorcycles 02/24/2015 at 12:51

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You would have to.

BigBlock440 > HammerheadFistpunch 02/24/2015 at 12:52

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I'm not disagreeing with your point at all, just saying this picture makes me like it. I didn't care either way yesterday, but this picture changed that.

Textured Soy Protein > HammerheadFistpunch 02/24/2015 at 12:56

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I'm pretty sure the whole message of this is "LOOK YOU CAN DRIVE OVER MOUNTAINS AND SHIT THEN GO STUNTIN AT THE CLUB."

Did anyone else notice the wheel change from the off-roading section of the video to the city driving?

HammerheadFistpunch > Textured Soy Protein 02/24/2015 at 12:57

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I did (its in my write up)

Textured Soy Protein > HammerheadFistpunch 02/24/2015 at 12:57

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I skimmed.

JawzX2, Boost Addict. 1.6t, 2.7tt, 4.2t > HammerheadFistpunch 02/24/2015 at 13:16

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I can't give this post enough stars.

Mathias Rios > HammerheadFistpunch 02/24/2015 at 13:22

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I may be biased probably because I own a 1999 ML320 and love it dearly and am known for saying that the only car I'd replace it with is a G-Class haha.

HammerheadFistpunch > Mathias Rios 02/24/2015 at 13:29

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I have no beef with the G class just this ad and the message it sends.

HammerheadFistpunch > nermal 02/24/2015 at 13:43

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Also, I agree about the nature of filming off road, but there is so much sub-context here its hard to see it as anything but domination. Other companies do it without this subcontext.

TJDMAX > HammerheadFistpunch 02/24/2015 at 14:01

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I agree...its a bit audacious to say the least. But you are (or were i think) in marketing for the automotive industry so you're well aware of how "dumb" car makers have to be with their marketing to entice buyers to their products. Its a sad but true realization that for the most part people buy cars now a days based on out of context numbers and fancy marketing. But look at it from Mercedes' point of view. They just released a beefier, more hardcore, macho version of their already capable off road machine. So they had to market it in such a way that made it stand out beyond the standard G class and show it as being more exciting and bad ass.

And like others have said too, "realistic" off roading is boring to watch. So yes this is a very ridiculous "fuck you nature" attitude to advertise here...but they had to make a statement somehow.

And this is very similar to any advertisement or launch video of any super car or hyper car that is released. The MAJORITY of the owners of this off road beast i'm guessing won't ever take it off road and drive it like it is capable of being driver or like how it is being driven in the video, much like the MAJORITY of people who own super and hyper cars never take them to the limit on a track like in those advertisements. But it is all done to get the sale.

HammerheadFistpunch > TJDMAX 02/24/2015 at 14:02

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I agree that Mercedes knows what they are doing...and thats the part that makes me sad.

TJDMAX > HammerheadFistpunch 02/24/2015 at 14:08

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Its not just Merc though. I mean look at this Raptor promo video...

Sure its a bit more informative than the Merc one, and slightly less ridiculous...but it still showcases the product driving around at levels that aren't typically matched by the average owner. But it looks bad ass and that is what sells the truck.

Klaus Schmoll > HammerheadFistpunch 02/24/2015 at 14:10

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Say what you will, the perfect G classes are the W461 based "Worker" or "Edition Pur", not the contraptions that the W463s have become.

TJDMAX > HammerheadFistpunch 02/24/2015 at 14:12

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Or even worse...All those toyota Tundra Ads where they towed a shuttle, or towed up a spiral tower that was on fire...I mean come on....literally no one ever is going to do that with a tundra yet that looked really bad ass and probably sold a lot of people on the Tundra because of "what it can do"

HammerheadFistpunch > TJDMAX 02/24/2015 at 14:16

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A couple of points:

1. I don't actually mind the idea of inflating expectations in the name of marketing, what I mean is that I don't mind the idea of a disconnect between advertised use and actual use. My complaint is the tone of the video, and the outright lie its trying to sell.

2. Ford is clearly interested in respecting the terrain, at least on face value and even with all the splashing and what not, the context of the footage is far more "lets have fun" and far less "the mountain is your bitch" for the Mercedes. Subcontext is everything.

Ford, Jeep, Land Rover...they know how to sell the image of adventure in a way that both enticing and respectful. This is Mercedes taking their "Screw other people, your a Mercedes owner" attitude outside and I take issue with that.

HammerheadFistpunch > TJDMAX 02/24/2015 at 14:17

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see my other response to you.

HammerheadFistpunch > Klaus Schmoll 02/24/2015 at 14:17

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Prachin to the choir man

TJDMAX > HammerheadFistpunch 02/24/2015 at 14:19

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Fair enough. I agree with those points. Like you said... Mercedes just knows its typical client base very well. I'm sure most Merc drivers (not looking to offend anyone here because i know there are plenty of people that don't fit the description i'm about to make) have the attitude of "screw you i'm a Mercedes owner."

HammerheadFistpunch > TJDMAX 02/24/2015 at 14:22

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There are lots of great Merc owners, but its no secret that this is their mass appeal, especially extreme models like this and the AMG line.

Autofixation > HammerheadFistpunch 02/24/2015 at 15:21

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And to think that there is such a thing as a G65…...

HammerheadFistpunch > Autofixation 02/24/2015 at 15:22

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And Brabus on top of that. yikes.

Autofixation > BigBlock440 02/24/2015 at 15:26

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I was thinking the same thing. It looks badass in the video (the off-road parts), but this picture does wonders for putting it in perspective. I live in an area of New Hampshire where I have access to trails, but I also live close to a city where I see a few G55 and G500's a day, along with a couple old Land Cruiser, FJ's, and maybe a Defender or two. If I had a 4X4^2 I would go thrash it then go into the city for dinner and park it as close as possible to the aforementioned vehicles.